Jake and the Troubled Neverland Pirates

Note: This post makes way less sense of you haven't seen Jake and the Neverland Pirates. Even if you have, though, it won't make all that much sense.

There are days when I'll sit and watch some of my kids' favorite shows with them. This is usually when I really for truly want to get some work done or just look at Pinterest. So sue me, the computer doesn't charge a penny for its time.

Lately, the show of choice has been Jake and the Neverland Pirates. I just heard my readers throw up in their mouths in unison. All two of you! Anyway, yeah, I don't like it either, but I'm not completely sure why. I think it has something to do with J. M. Barrie turning in his grave. Poor guy needs his rest! I also don't like shows that teach my kids to obey stupid commands, like Jake and Dora and Diego. You know, like when they climb a ladder and tell the kids at home to help them climb by yelling, "Climb, climb, climb!" Or for sweeping the floor it's, "Sweep, sweep, sweep!" Dora and Diego are strictly banned in my home for this reason. So is Caillou for different reasons. Don't get me started on Caillou.

Needless to say, I am extremely picky about the shows I let my kids watch. They can't annoy me like crazy, which narrows their list down to like two. I have to say the Curious George TV show tops the list. There are no secret passwords, magic words, or audience participation, lame junk. I do have some questions for the makers of the show, though. Like, what does the man with the yellow hat do for a living? He must make bank, with that fancy city apartment and country home. And what exactly is George's age? He has the mental capacity of somewhere between three and six, I'd guess in human years. But he IS a monkey, so that would put him at what, 20-30? Also, why is it that no one seems to have biological parents except for Marco? I do love that show and think about it way too much for a kid program, but that is a mom mental health issue for another day.

Back to Jake: my brain has found a coping mechanism in order for me to endure these little shows that I detest so much. It started out as small time coping. I decided right away that Jake was a jerk, but I couldn't decide why. Then I, like a rocket scientist, noticed there is only one girl and two boys in their pirate crew. If the Neverland Pirates are going to be honest, that has to make for some serious tension among crew mates.

Jake and Izzy are pretty cozy now and again, and Cubby is sort of a third wheel. Wouldn't you think Cubby gets a little resentful of the setup? Since Izzy is the only girl, it's only natural that Cubby would pine after her, but he doesn't measure up to the prowess of Jake, who is fit, muscular, tall, bossy, and has a jaw line.

Izzy, being the only girl, has it made basically, except not having a girlfriend to discuss her drama with. She has her pick of crew mates, but if she's upfront with herself, they really aren't much. Jake is the logical choice, but he takes her for granted. Cubby is more sensitive, but he's just a friend. Now, Peter Pan is a different story. That's where her aspirations are, because he's like the king of Neverland. He's just never around, though, which makes for many nights crying into her pillow.

Jake seems easy to figure out at first. He's the leader of their lame pirate crew, so he obviously has an inflated sense of self-importance. However, if you look deeper, Jake is extremely disturbed because of the pressure he has to live up to the legend of Peter Pan. He's only *this* close from turning to the dark side and joining Captain Hook where his talents would be more appreciated. Oh, and have you noticed how much Jake looks like Rufio sans skunk hair-do? They both wear vests, have red in or around their hair, are gifted skateboarders, and are not Caucasian (I'm not sure what race the animators are trying to make Jake).

Wow, that opens up a whole new can of worms. This probably explains some of the tension that exists in Hook. I KNEW there was more to the story.

Okay, now I'm done. Man, I could really make something of that show.

I'm Pretty Sure My Kids See Dead People

When Calvin was two, he said he was going to go play catch with ghosts. Even though his daddy was standing right there. He'd proceed to throw a ball at what we presumed was just a wall and tell "it" nice catch. Thankfully, he stopped creeping us out and he grew out of that, or so it seemed.

About a month ago, Calvin randomly told me about a lady in his room. I asked him when he saw her and listed off people we knew that he could have been referring to. He said no to all of my suggestions, and he said he saw her at nighttime. Hoping with all my heart he was just telling me a story, I asked him if it was a nice lady or a mean lady.  He wasn't sure. {Shivers}

Now Oliver will be engaging in some sort of fun-awesome activity like pretending the laundry basket is a boat and I'll simulate a violent storm. Then he'll stand up suddenly and have a look of surprise on his face and say, "Bad guys!" Then he does the Spiderman web-slinging move that his brother showed him, and, luckily, that seems to get rid of them. He'll also go into empty rooms and call out, "Hello? Hello?"

Are all children like this, or just ones with "the gift"?

More Juice Anyone?

I have a theory. I'm pretty sure the Nutribullet is the product of an alien race meant to infiltrate every home and take over our minds.

Hear me out.

From my perspective, albeit a limited one, the Nutribullet was one of the more popular gifted items this year. They could barely keep them on the shelves at our nearest Bed, Bath & Beyond, according to an employee there. I myself was gifted a Nutribullet, and because of that my sister bought one. Because of that, my parents briefly considered getting one themselves in the future possibly.

If the Twilight Zone has taught me anything, (not to mention the films the Invasion of the Body Snatchers and Little Shop of Horrors, and the TV shows V, The X-Files, and possibly The Outer Limits) it is to be skeptical of something too good to be true or it may warp your brain.

Thinking my argument sounded weak, I ran it by my husband who immediately laughed it off, then told me to relax and drink my juice.

But then, of course the idea is ludicrous sounding to most people. By now the Magic Bullet company has infiltrated the media to the extent that we are all being brainwashed into buying one. If you think that sounds crazy, just watch the Nutribullet video (with caution) and note the audience watching the demonstration. Case closed.

I don't expect this blog post to be up for long, as they obviously won't like the truth to be told. Count yourselves among the lucky few to know. When things start to get bad for humans, let's all hunker down in a bunker somewhere.

That's pretty extreme. For now, if you know of anyone who has been gifted, especially those who have been suspiciously gifted, a Nutribullet, watch changes in their behavior and be wary of any "extracted" foods they offer you.

Last of all, when you are tempted yourself to get a Nutribullet ask yourselves, "Is the health and vitality that the Nutribullet promises worth forfeiting your human-ness?"

Oh yeah, have a happy New Year's Day!

SO domestic!

I don't have any pictures to prove this to anyone, but I've been a busy little home-making bee lately. I'm not what you'd call "crafty" or "green" or "creative" or "super self-reliant" or "healthy" or even all that "productive" on a day-to-day basis, but I'm sort of tapping into that trend lately in a big way. Not for any idealistic reasons, but it's kind of my hobby and it makes me feel like I'm saving money. So, recently I've learned how to do the following hippy-dippy things:

• Bake whole wheat basically anything. Nels and I challenged ourselves to go whole wheat/whole grain all the way. They say it's healthier 'n' stuff. This skill alone keeps me busy what with all the bread baking, pizza dough making, waffle waffling, pancake flipping, crepe cooking, tortilla rolling outing, pie crust fiddling (with, because it is much more finicky than the normal kind. Oh, and we have a rule about that by the way: no whole wheat crust at Thanksgiving or Christmas. That is where I draw the whole wheat line. I just do whole wheat for our turkey pot pies.) dinner roll...um... creating, etc. I have yet to make 100% bagels, pita, or corn bread (yes, there is such a thing!), but I have recipes all lined up ready to try, and I'm excited.
• Crochet dish towels. I could already crochet so it was merely a matter of figuring out how to triple single double crochet stitch and quadruple double triple double single triple quadruple stitch (I made those names up, by the way). They've turned out pretty cool.
• Made marvelous tomatillo salsa. I got the recipe from a neighbor who understands salsa on a deeper level. Basically, though, I got a list of ingredients and kind of added them as I went along and until I was satisfied with the taste. It was extremely chunky, tangy, cilantro-y, and fresh tasting.
• I made healthy popsicles. I got a really fun recipe book called Ice Pop Joy for my birthday, and I pretty much love it. I'm not sure if jumping on this bandwagon really counts as hippy-dippy except for the fact that the author's children's names are something like Lotus Sunshine, Bodhi Ocean, and River Love, but I've got to say I'm currently addicted. Not only is it a very pretty book, but the recipes are designed to get nutrition into picky kids. I have a picky-eating kid and this book makes me feel like a good parent. That's all it took.
• I made a flannel board with animals from "Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What do You See?"
• And finally, I've created a month-long rotating dinner menu in hopes that Calvin would start to see a pattern and eat real food on a regular basis. I made a google calendar that has all my dinners mapped out so I never have to wonder what's for dinner again. Plus, my grocery budget has become more predictable. And Sunday is (homemade) pizza night. I get lazy on Sundays and don't like cooking a big meal. I'm contrary that way for now.

Here's the projects I have lined up for the near future:

• Make fruit leather. I have a surplus of apricots. (Thanks grandma and grandpa!) Did you know you can do the setting up/dehydrating part of this in your car? Pretty nifty.
• Make dishwashing soap and laundry soap. Apparently this is easy and cheap as all get out. Plus instead of using a rinsing agent or fabric softener, just use vinegar. I tried the vinegar as a rinsing agent in the dishwasher and it worked great. You all probably knew all this, but I am still impressed with myself.

I'm also having a baby in about a month so I'll be freezing duplicates of my dinners so that I can avoid cooking for a while. All this I plan to do before my nesting impulse fades, an upside of my pregnancies. That and voluminous hair.

Books and Calvin

I really appreciate blogs that suggest books for toddlers. So, for this post, I'm going to give a status report on Calvin's current book favorites.

Calvin is your average 20-month old. He likes his tiger, his milk, and being outside. But there are two things he insists on every day, and those two things are Winnie the Pooh and books.

The book thing makes me proud, but still being in the collection phase of our children's library, we end up reading a lot of the same books each day. Over and over and over and over. And over. That, of course, means we go to the library about once per week. Calvin loves it there, and it's only a little embarrassing when he goes to the "echo-y" part of the children's section and yells as loud as he can. I try to discourage that, but really, echoes are too much fun.

Now we get to the point: I've created a list of books that are categorized into six topics: Human world, animal world, shapes, alphabet, numbers, and behaviors. I've done such a silly thing because I want to give Calvin a variety of books to look at and it gives me a place to start from when I try to find good books. During my research, I've remembered several books that I had forgotten I loved when I was young, like Caps for Sale.

We had a book and tape version of this book with, as I recall, an awesome reader with sound effects. Calvin fell in love with this book at first sight and had me read it not once, not twice or thrice, but five times the day I brought it home. Yup, he liked it, too. My only complaint is the sound that the monkey's make in this book. They say "tsz" instead of "oo oo!" Not a huge deal, but kind of breaks the flow of the book when everything you know about monkey noises is challenged without any sort of explanation.

Calvin has mysterious taste at times. There are some books he refuses to even open. No way, no how. He doesn't usually like books with very furry, fluffy animals decked in ribbons. He's not a fan of pastels or flowers. This does not concern me, but there was a book that I could not understand for the life of me why he would not tolerate me opening the cover. It was brightly colored with simple shapes, a book called, When a Line Bends a Shape Begins.

He hated it. Could it be the disproportionate body builder? The confusing array of shapes? More than likely it is that scary clown peaking out from the edge. Granted, it was a little advanced for Calvin, but this kid likes to get encyclopedias and Ensigns off the shelf and leaf through those, no kidding. Whatever the problem is, I'm sure he'll be more interested later on. He couldn't stand Chicka Chicka Boom Boom for the longest time, and now he loves it. But it's probably because he knows some of his letters so the pictures aren't quite as boring. But I'll never figure out what makes him fall for a book immediately. These are some others he loved right off the bat:

These among others that he considers his favorites are brightly colored, with the exception of King Bidgood's in the Bathtub, The Napping House, and Bright and Early Thursday Evening. Hey, and those are all Don and Audrey Wood books, by the way. He is also very much attached to the If You Give a Mouse a Cookie and If You Give a Moose a Muffin books.

Even with this variety, though, I am still amazed how quickly I memorize these books, which comes in handy when I am just too tired to read a book to him, and so I recite it half asleep while turning the pages. That, my friends, is talent.